2.19

03-14-15_9-41 PM

“Mum? Can we get monkey bars?”

“Monkey bars? Can’t you use the ones at the park or at school?”

“Yeah, I can, but they’re not here…” Sophia reasoned as she looked up at me pleadingly.

I smiled, remembering a very similar request I had made of my Mum when I had been her age. “Monkey bars, huh? Why not.”

“Really? You mean it?” Sophia hugged me, beaming happily at my decision. She hardly ever asked for anything, and Monkey Bars were a good way to stay active for kids, so I had no problem agreeing. A lot of girls in her class wanted to be fairies or own ponies, so her wanting Monkey Bars really wasn’t an issue.

03-14-15_9-38 PM

Not that she needed more motivation for staying active. Sophia had inherited more of her looks from him than I would have liked, but her personality was all me! Or at least I hoped it wasn’t all me. She still had several years left before she’d officially be a teenager, but I was dreading what other aspects of my personality might have found their way into the mix. I was very seriously considering a ‘no dates before you’re eighteen’ rule but knew that it would never work. I had found ways to fool my Mum and knew that Sophia would find ways to fool me. I just had to spoil the idea for her before she was old enough.

Sophia loved our pool. If she wasn’t in the living room dancing she was outside swimming laps. Some mornings I had found her outside before it was time for school, swimming when she should have been getting ready. I was happy to see that she was taking such an interest in being athletic, but hoped that it wouldn’t make her forget other important things. Like school. Or eating.

03-14-15_9-49 PM

Her other passion was dancing. Mum joked that she was just like me when I had been her age but I sincerely hoped that she was kidding! The dancing and swimming I could cope with, but the idea of my daughter dating as soon as she was out of Primary School was too much for me. The things I had been happy to do…. I had never been ‘easy’ like some of the other girls and had always thought that I at least had some standards, but I had still been willing to do some things which the other girl wouldn’t have done. Mum saying that Sophia was just like me…

No. Definitely no dating before she turned eighteen.

03-14-15_9-54 PM

Since Sophia burnt so much energy I had to make sure that she ate enough. Unfortunately for us both my plans of being a better cook for her sake had only gone so far. Cooking simply wasn’t my strong point, but I hoped that my failures were inspiring Sophia to become better than me. Much, much better.

Although, much to Mum’s amusement, Sophia had no great interest in cooking, either. We were both quite happy to eat leftovers for as long as we could or until Gemma complained that we weren’t eating well enough, at which point Gemma usually made us something. She was a far better cook than I was and Sophia and I were grateful for her interventions.

03-26-15_3-41 PM-2

She was a a very neat child. I had no idea who she had gotten it from but when Sophia saw a dirty plate or mug anywhere in the house she’d bring it into the kitchen and wash it. Thanks to her there were no messes to be found in our house, and I was saving up for those Monkey Bars as a reward. Since I regularly gave money to three different charities we no longer had the soft safety cushion that I used to have before Sophia was born, but knowing that I was actually doing something good for people was worth it. We had enough saved up in case of an emergency, but things like Monkey Bars had to wait.

03-26-15_3-44 PM

Since I had the mornings to myself with Sophia in school and my job not starting until two in the afternoon, I had a lot of time to stay in shape. My boss was expecting a lot from me and I wanted to make sure that I could teach Sophia how to defend herself properly, so everyone won!

03-26-15_3-52 PM

Not all of my mornings were spent in my small home gym, though. I did make sure to spend a lot of time with Gemma, who was getting increasingly stressed from her own career. Running your own business was no easy feat, and with the expectations of your father riding on you as well- Well, I was only too glad to take her mind of things every now and again. She wasn’t willing to be away from her office too often, and remembering Milan’s words I didn’t push her, but at least once a week we’d meet up around town for a date.

I loved taking her to the park since that was where we had run into each other again after school, and Gemma said that being surrounded by nature like that was good for her, too. Now that Sophia was slowly getting older we would have to consider Gemma moving in with us again, but I wasn’t willing to press the issue. I was grateful for everything Milan had done for me and didn’t want to tempt fate too much. Mum would never forgive me if I accidentally destroyed the universe.

Things were going well. Sophia was working hard at school, Gemma was working hard in her business, and I wasn’t far off another promotion either. Our lives were pretty quiet and calm for the most part – not something I had thought I would ever want to have! I felt very fulfilled, and a small part of me was grateful that Blaine had raped me. If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have had Sophia, and I loved Sophia more than anything. We never spoke about her father, but I knew that her friends at school would talk about their parents. She was a clever girl and would notice that their families were different to ours.

So one evening, when Sophia asked the question I had been dreading, I wasn’t surprised to hear it. She sat down next to me, cuddling into my side like she always did when something was bugging her but she wasn’t sure how to tell me what was on her mind.

03-26-15_4-02 PM

“Mummy, do I have a daddy?” She didn’t sound upset that she had never met him, only curious and mildly worried for asking the question. Like I’d be more upset by it than her.

“You do, sweetheart.” I was shaking but hoped that Sophia wouldn’t notice. Having asked at all couldn’t have been easy for her, and I didn’t want to give her the impression that she shouldn’t have done it.

“How come he’s not living here with us?” I bit myself to calm down, thinking that if he had gotten his way we would be living somewhere else entirely.

“He’s-” I paused, wondering what to tell her exactly. I had always hoped that she’d be older by the time she asked me, so that I could tell her the truth, but she was too young for all that right now.

“Did he not want me?” My heart broke at hearing the rejection in her voice.

“That’s not it at all, sweetheart. I think he wanted you a lot, but he’s…. not a good man, Sophia. He’s not living with us because he’s not a good man.”

“Oh. Like Julie’s daddy?”

“I don’t know. Why isn’t Julie’s daddy a good man?”

“She says he’s in prison because he grew bad things in his secret attic garden.” I made a mental note to have a talk with Julie’s Mum.

“Not quite like that. But your daddy is in the same place as hers.”

“So he’s in prison, too?”

I nodded, praying that he’d never get out of it, either. If he laid one finger on my little girl I swear I’d-

“Is he dangerous? Can he hurt you?”

03-26-15_4-03 PM

“No, baby. He can’t hurt anyone where he is now.”

“That’s good. I don’t want him to hurt you, Mummy.”

“I don’t want him to hurt you either, baby.”

“Mummy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Danny says that you need a mummy and a daddy, otherwise you’re not loved enough.” I scratched out my previous mental note and made a new one to beat up this Danny if I ever met him. Maybe I’d have a chat with his parents and their teacher, too.

“Baby, that’s not true. I love you very much, and so does Gemma and Grandma and Uncle Milan.”

“Do you know your daddy?”

I shook my head, hoping that it would prove to her that it wasn’t as important as this Danny kid made it out to be. “No, it was just me, Grandma and Uncle Milan.”

“So if Milan was like your daddy, is Gemma like my other mummy?”

I smiled, wondering when my baby had grown up so much. “Yes. Gemma and I are your mummies.”

03-26-15_4-02 PM-2

“I like having two mummies. Gemma cooks yummy things and you’re good at sports!” I laughed, pulling her back into my arms while she was still young enough.

She’d be too old to hug her mum before I knew what hit me. For now, I was going to enjoy her being too young to be emberrassed by me.

———————————————————————————–

Notes:

Lilliana is one date away from completing her aspiration, and one more day at work should get her to lvl7 of her career so she doesn’t have too much more to go on that. Sophia’s gen will start officially when Lilli has finished her aspiration and career 🙂 (update: Lilli finished her aspiration in the meantime so it’s just her career (currently lvl8) left to go 🙂 )

2.18

03-14-15_8-59 PM-3

“Your mother is a stubborn woman, Lilli. Convincing her wasn’t easy.” Milan had come over three days after I had called him with a tired smile on his face. He looked exhausted, but talking to my Mum seemed to do that to people. Me and Milan, specifically.

“But you did convince her?” I asked, finding it hard to believe. I knew he would try his best, but he had said it himself – Mum was stubborn. We both knew that better than anyone!

“Eventually. I spoke to the spirit inhabiting me, and a few others.” When Milan had first told me that a spirit shared his body I had found it almost as hard to believe as when he had told me just now that he had convinced Mum. Now I was glad that he had this arrangement, weird as I thought it was. “At this moment they don’t see a disturbance in the universe, but they are… worried, that Gemma will quit her job to be with you.”

03-14-15_8-59 PM

“She’d never do that, she loves what she does.”

“As much as she loves you?”

I paused, not sure how to answer that. I wanted to believe that I meant more to her than her career, but at the same time knew that saying it wasn’t the best answer I could give in that moment. “I don’t know. She is very dedicated to it.”

“The spirits told me that she has plans of leaving her business and being with you all the time. When she suggests that…”

“But I can stay with her? If she doesn’t leave her job?” My heart was racing at the news! If this was the only thing standing between us then it didn’t sound too difficult! We could be together as long as she continued working!

“In theory, yes. She would have pursued the same path if you hadn’t been born, so it is imperative that she continues to follow it until retirement. She cannot quit her job early, neither can you become her new priority. As long as you follow these rules everything should stay in order.”

03-14-15_9-00 PM

I felt my heart beat heavily. This was exactly what Gemma and I had decided on doing anyway. Her leaving the business to move in early was news to me, but if and when she brought it up I’d be able to change her mind. I did want to raise Sophia by myself after all, and knew that she would see reason in the end.

“Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate your help.”

He smiled warmly, and nodded. “That’s what uncle’s are there for.”

03-14-15_9-09 PM

Two weeks later Gemma asked to move in. Work was leaving her exhausted most days and she loved coming here afterwards to take care of me and Sophia. Telling her no was harder than I had expected, but she agreed eventually. She understood me wanting to raise her by myself which helped a lot.

Tired as she was, she still made time for us both. Sophia was quickly becoming her daughter as much as she was mine, and a small part of me wanted to tell her that I had changed my mind, that she could move in anytime, but I reminded myself that we couldn’t. I had tempted fate enough as it was and didn’t want to push things any further. I was grateful that I could be with her and knew when to stop asking.

Time flew by quickly after that. Before I knew it my big birthday was just around the corner, and I was beginning to feel old.

03-14-15_9-16 PM

I decided on throwing a small party. There were loads of people I could have invited but didn’t think that any of them would be too thrilled to hear about me and Gemma. I hadn’t been in touch with any of them for a while and hoped that they would have figured that we weren’t together any more by now, but my experience with Blaine had taught me that people weren’t often as simple as that. None of the guys or women I had used to sleep with had contacted me in ages, but I hadn’t heard from Blaine for years before he had suddenly turned up, either.

Still, this was my big birthday and it wasn’t going to be ruined by anything! If there was one thing I knew how to do it was how to throw a great party – even if I had to tune things down a little for Sophia’s sake.

After my birthday we fell into a really nice routine. Gemma was working mornings and early afternoons, and I’d work late afternoons and evenings. There was usually always someone home to look after Sophia, and I was grateful that she didn’t have to go into daycare while I was out. Our work schedules complimented each other perfectly – even if it meant less time for us together.

03-14-15_9-18 PM

Absorbed in my career and raising Sophia I didn’t realise that suddenly her own birthday was only a week away. Mum and I were getting along better after Milan’s approval, and even took a picture together during Sophia’s birthday party. To commemorate the big day. Things were still a little strained between us and I could tell that she was worried, but she was trying and I appreciated it.

Again only the family had been invited. Mum, Milan and Gemma all spoiled her with gifts, and even the cake I had made for her had turned out all right.

03-14-15_9-30 PM-2

She was beautiful. Her wispy blonde strands had grown into lovely thick hair, and I could tell immediately that I had a clever girl on my hands. Soon she’d be a grown teenager and I’d be able to start training her in self defence, but today was all about her.

03-14-15_9-33 PM

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” I bent down to hug her, tying to hide the few tears that had welled up. It bugged me that there was so much of him in her, but there was a lot of me there, too, and I didn’t want to influence the kind of person she was becoming too much. I doubted she’d be anything like him, but I’d teach her how to defend herself against people like him.

I cut the cake as Mum, Milan and Gemma hugged her in turn, and for the rest of the day I simply enjoyed Sophia’s birthday, marvelling at the beautiful girl she had become.

—————————————————————————–

Notes:

Sophia’s birthday really drove home to me how much TS4 needs a toddler stage :/ I like the babies in this, I think they’ve done well, but her birthday came around far too quickly. Growing from a newborn looking baby into a grown child just seems too quick to me. So apologies if this seemed fast to anyone else – such is the way of TS4 :/

2.17

02-26-15_4-57 PM

“You have to stop seeing Gemma. You do know that, don’t you?” I had been prepared for this, but actually hearing it stung more than I had expected nonetheless. Mum had made no secret out of her dislike for our relationship, and while I understood why she had to be harsh I couldn’t just leave Gemma because she said so! Mum seemed convinced that if I stayed with Gemma, the universe would collapse around us, like our relationship alone would be enough to destroy humanity. How could I believe something like that? We knew nothing about the universe or how any of it really worked. She was here, wasn’t she? As were I and Sophia! According to her and Milan, none of us were supposed to be alive.

I got that I had to be careful but leaving Gemma wasn’t something I was happy to do just on her word alone! For all we knew that spirit they had told me about had been lying to Milan. After all, we didn’t really know anything about them either. What if they were all liars?

Being careful and not risking the end of life as we knew it was fine with me, but I didn’t see how loving Gemma would endanger anything.

02-26-15_4-56 PM

“No. I don’t.” If Mum was going to jump right in, then so was I. No things hidden, all cards on the table.

Her expression confirmed what I had expected. “Yes, you do! Lilli, haven’t you listened to a word I’ve told you? A word we’ve told you?”

“Of course I have! But dating Gemma isn’t going to ruin the course of this universe, Mum, I just don’t see how-”

02-26-15_4-57 PM-2

“I know you love her, Lilli, and trust me, I know what I’m asking you to do isn’t fair, but this is how it has to be! If I could see you both happy, getting married and adopting a few more children then I would love every moment of it, but is it really worth the risk to you?”

Mum sounded genuinely sorry. I knew she didn’t really want to split us up, but for someone who apparently wanted to see us happy she was too persistent.

I thought about Gemma, everything that she was to me. I had never considered settling down until I had met her, and even then it had taken me a while to accept that I loved her. Really loved her. I had played with men and women since my first boyfriend, but Gemma had changed all that. I actually wanted to settle down with her and get married, like Mum had said. Maybe adopt a baby. She did so beautifully with Sophia that I knew she was capable! Sophia adored her, she made a good mother even though she wasn’t here all of the time.

“Yes, it is.”

“Now listen here, Lilli-” Mum sounded fed up with me and my persistence, but I felt the same way about her. We weren’t getting anywhere, but if she kept insisting on having these talks then I would continue to defend what Gemma and I had.

02-26-15_4-58 PM

“No, Mum, you listen to me! This is my house, and this is my life! I love Gemma, whether you like it or not, and I’m not going to break up with her just because of some theories you and Milan have about the world ending! Gemma and Sophia are the two good things that have happened to me, and I won’t throw it away because you’re asking me to!”

“Lilli…”

“When the universe starts crumbling I’ll rethink my options, but right now nothing is going to change. Gemma is going to move in with me once Sophia is old enough, and we’ll be a proper family. With or without you.”

I immediately regretted my harsh words when I saw the look on her face. At least I had made myself clear. Gemma was staying, and Mum had better get used to it. I didn’t want to upset her but I wasn’t going to be intimidated by her, either.

“Lilli, please just consider-” Sophia interrupted us when she started crying in her room.

“My daughter needs me. You should go, Mum, I’m sure you’re busy.” I hated kicking her out. I hated the look on her face. But I was old enough to chose who I was with and I needed her to accept it. After all the people I had been with and her open dislike for that I had thought that she’d approve of me settling for one woman, but it looked like I had been wrong.

She looked like a kicked dog when she left, and I had a feeling that our conversation wasn’t over yet. For now, at least, it was.

02-26-15_5-00 PM

Once Sophia had been fed and I had calmed down a little I decided to call Milan. He was the one who could talk to spirits, after all. If anyone had a realistic idea of what kind of consequences my dating Gemma could possibly have it was him.

He didn’t sound happy to hear about my argument with Mum, but he agreed to talk to her and consult the spirits. I wasn’t sure what exactly could come out of it but if anyone could make Mum see reason it was him.

02-26-15_5-05 PM

Between me trying to get Milan to play peace keeper and me working hard for my next promotion, I still found all the time I could to look after my baby. Sophia was my world, even though I had never expected anything like it. If anyone had told me that I’d be a mother and loving every moment of it two years ago I wouldn’t have bought it. Hell, if anyone had told me that I’d be raped- I had never imagined that one day I might hate the idea of woohooing someone, but a lot of things had changed since Blaine had come here for a ‘visit’. As much as I had hated him at the time, I couldn’t hate my baby. Sophia was beautiful, and she was perfect. She had inherited his eye colour and the first faint strands of wispy blonde hair were showing on her cute little head, but she was mine and he’d never even see her from a distance if I could help it.

02-26-15_5-11 PM-2

And of course Gemma was perfect throughout it all. She was working hard herself, pushing her father’s business to improve every day. I didn’t get to see her as often as I would have liked, but when she was here it was bliss.

What I had told Mum about her moving in with us was true. We had made plans for her to move in once Sophia was a little older, and had started school. Maybe later than that, it partly depended on how her business was going as well as how well my baby grew up. If she wasn’t ready for Gemma to live with us than that was fine. If I didn’t think that she’d be fine with it than that would be fine as well. For now I wanted to raise her by myself. The only reason she had been born was because I had messed up royally as a teenager. Raising her by myself was the least I could do. A poor attempt at fixing past mistakes, but it was something, and I felt like I owed her as much. Gemma was around a lot and Sophia worshipped her, but I wanted the main duties that came with being a mother to be mine.

We’d be a proper family soon enough. Whether Mum gave us her blessing or not.